fear – 4PositiveGrowth

Posts

Is this the formula for Powerful Change?

How easy do you find change?

It’s likely that when you affect change in your own life, based on your own choices and actions, it’s easier than when change is imposed on you by external persons or events.

The reality is, the world is constantly changing, and it seems to be increasing in speed, and complexity.

As humans, we naturally resist change. We gravitate towards what is ‘known’ – that which is familiar – it’s comfortable, and there are few surprises. There are no What Ifs for us to deal with (when our mind so very often runs riot and heads off down the imaginary road of the Worst Possible Outcome – a journey fraught with fear, anxiety, and stress!)

So, how do we better manage, and embrace change?

I’ve just finished the The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership – A new paradigm for sustainable success by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, & Kaley Warner Kemp.

In this book, they offer a powerful change formula which was originally created by Richard Beckhard and David Gleicher, which was then refined by Kathie Dannemiller. For your reference, their website also contains a wealth of videos and handouts to support the book and Conscious Leadership.

The formula offered in the book is (V x D) + FS > R = C

This stands for (Vision x Dissatisfaction) + First Steps > Resistance = Change

Change is about letting go of the known and stepping into the unknown.
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

I love this formula. When I came across it in the book, I lit up. For me, it summarises so much of the work I do with invidivduals, and teams, to bring about positive, powerful change.

VISION as described in the book, is a ‘picture of a preferable future’. You can think of this is many different ways including, your goal, your dream, or your preferred reality. Having a clear and compelling vision, or picture, of where you want to be, what you want to have, or do, is vital to success.

The more clear you are about what you want, the more likely you are to achieve it.
Billy Cox

DISSATISFACTION helps you overcome change, because deep dissatisfaction is painful, and pain is something we want to naturally move away from but of course, that might mean change, so we find ways of numbing or ignoring our true dissatisfaction, by distracting ourselves with rewards – short-term dopamine fixes – such as alcohol, food, cars, clothes, holidays…

V + D gives us the ‘why’, while FS gives us the ‘what and how’
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

FIRST STEPS is taking action, finding tools and strategies to help you move towards what you want (your vision), and away from what you don’t want (your dissatisfaction). This is a key element in the change process and brings to mind another exceptional book – Atomic Habits by James Clear – that offers insights and tools to develop lasting positive habits for long-term change. ‘First Steps’ is also a great description because, in my experience, it’s the first step that can be the most challenging one. Again, you are stepping into the unknown, and with that often comes fear. However ‘Action Cures Fear’ – so that first step is a key one!

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
James Clear – Atomic Habits

RESISTANCE as I mentioned earlier is our own natural resistance to change. What The 15 Commitments book challenges however is our WILLINGNESS to change, suggesting that we might very well know how to change, but how much are we actually willing to make a change – ‘Am I willing to change? Am I really willing to change?’

There’s no middle ground here either, no maybe, or trying, you’re either in, or you’re out;

Trying is wanting credit for something you never intend to do.
Hale Dwoskin – As quoted in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

This book offers many thought-provoking questions to aid reflection, self-awareness, and to bring about change. Here are just two that stand out in this section of the book ‘The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership’ which relate the change;

If I changed, what am I afraid would happen?

What is your picture of the future that is so compelling that it motivates you to overcome your resistance to change, to let go of control, and step into the unknown?

And similarly, my question to you is;

What’s stopping you from making the change you want to make in your life, or your business?

And how can I support you to make that change?

To explore how I can help you, as an individual, a leader, or a team, please do get in touch, either by phone, or email caroline@4positivegrowth.co.uk

June 23, 2021/0 Comments/by Caroline Gavin

Love or Fear, which do you choose?

Michael Leunig is an Australian poet, cartoonist, and cultural commentator, wrote:
There are only two feelings: love and fear.
There are only two languages: love and fear.
There are only two activities: love and fear.
There are only two motives, two procedures, two frameworks, two results:
love and fear. Love and fear.

That might suggest there is just one choice, love or fear, and personally, I think that’s true.
Where are you choosing to live? In love, or in fear?

I’ve been reading a great book recently called the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.
One of the fundamental principles in the book is that at any given moment we are either operating ‘below the line’ or ‘above the line’.
When someone operates from ‘below the line’ they are closed, defensive, and committed to being right. This is essentially living in fear, in survival mode.
When someone operates from ‘above the line’ they are open, curious, and committed to learning. They are living in and from love; thriving as opposed to surviving.
The book is primarily focused on applying the 15 Commitments within a leadership context however this mindful concept, in my view, is useful, relevant, and impactful in everyday life.

‘Above-the-line leadership occurs when leaders are mindful of their thought process and decide to shift towards above-the-line thinking.’
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

In everyday life, this is being mindful and conscious of whether we are ‘below the line’, living and acting out of fear, or actively choosing and shifting to ‘above the line’, living and acting out of love.

Fear encompasses so many of the negative emotions we encounter every day. In fact, it IS every negative emotion we experience. Read through the list below and make a mental note of how often you think, feel, or do any of the following in a day (which all come from fear):

Judge someone else
Judge yourself
Stress, worry, or get anxious about something
Shout or shout at someone
Gossip
Feel angry or slighted
Carry a grudge
Complain
Rely on your own strength (instead of letting the Universe help)
Feel guilty

What would it be like to spend a day seeing and responding only with love?

No matter what happened or who did what to you, you didn’t get angry or upset and genuinely only saw love in the people around you. How would it change your behaviour and the way your day panned out?

A great habit to raise your self-awareness, and to help you shift towards love, is to simply ask yourself “Is this love or fear?”. Label the emotion, thought, or behaviour. Catch it out, and then make a conscious choice.

‘Catching out’ negative thoughts and emotions is exactly what I’ve been doing over the past 7 weeks as part of the Positive Intelligence Programme I’ve been following with Shirzad Chamine, whose work is a synthesis of the latest breakthroughs in neuroscience, cognitive and positive psychology, and performance science.
Positive Intelligence (PQ) is the science and practice of developing mastery over your own mind so you can reach your full potential for both happiness and success.

When we have mastery over our own mind, we are in control of our thoughts, behaviours, and actions. We can more consciously, and easily make positive choices to support our own resilience, happiness, and wellbeing.

The benefits and positive impact for both individuals, and teams, of boosting PQ and improving mental fitness are numerous and include;

Performance: You perform better while working less hard—similar to athletes “in the zone.”

Happiness: You feel less stressed, more peace, and consistent happiness, even in tough times.

Relationships: You improve relationships, able to handle conflicts in ways that deepen trust and harmony.

If you’re physically fit, you can climb steep hills without physical stress. If you’re mentally fit, you can handle life’s great challenges without mental stress or other negative emotions.
Shirzad Chamine, Positive Intelligence

Mental fitness is a measure of the strength of your positive mental muscles (Sage) versus the negative (Saboteur). This measure of your Mental Fitness is called PQ (Positive Intelligence Quotient). You can check your own PQ score in the free assessment available at Positive Intelligence and if you’d like to explore this with me, do get in touch.

Your “Sage” handles challenges in ways that produce positive emotions like curiosity, empathy, creativity, calm, and clear-headed laser-focused action.

Your Saboteurs on the other hand cause all your stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, regret, shame, guilt, and unhappiness.

A key to Mental Fitness is to weaken your internal Saboteurs (your inner judge or critics) who generate all your “negativity” in the way they respond to challenges.

Along with the Judge, my own strongest Saboteurs were ‘Hyper-Achiever’ and ‘Controller’ but I’ve been busy ‘catching them out’ and building my Sage, positive mental muscle, keeping the Saboteurs nicely under control! See an image of all the Saboteurs in the illustration to the right.
You can read more about the Saboteurs here, where you can also take a free assessment and learn which are your strongest Saboteurs, and how they are impacting you, and those around you!

If you’d like to work with me in weakening your Saboteurs, and strengthening your Sage ‘mental muscle’, I’m incorporating the PQ tools and strategies into my new programmes, so you can also reach your full potential for both happiness and success!

So that brings us back to that choice,

Where do you want to live?

Below or above the line?

In Saboteur or Sage?

In fear or love?

Surviving, or thriving?

Whether you are an individual or a team, PQ generates powerful, lasting results. To learn more, please do get in touch and I’d be delighted to explore how we can support you.

June 14, 2021/0 Comments/by Caroline Gavin

Growth for You

Getting to know your brain

Sharing ideas and learnings 4PositiveGrowth

So, I shared my learnings from Mindset by Carol Dweck and I’ve also finished More Time to Think by Nancy Kline (and I’ll come back to that another day) but today I’m sharing my ideas and learnings so far from the banana, planet and chimp filled book, The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters.

As the title suggests, this book talks a lot about chimps, but in fact it’s about Mind Management and how we can manage our mind and our emotional selves better to be at our best.

I’m particularly interested in better understanding what triggers fear in us and how we can manage this better. Fear pretty much stops us doing the things we want to do in life, so finding ways of managing and overcoming fear is key. This book gives some really useful and valuable insights into the brain and it’s relationship fear; where it comes from and how to manage it.

It simplifies* our psychological mind into three separate brains: Human, Chimp and Computer.

3 Ideas – Getting to know your brain

You are the Human brain. This is your rational thinking self – the one that works logically in your best interest.

Your Chimp is your emotional self. As Dr Peters says ‘If offers emotional thoughts that can be very constructive or very destructive; it’s not good or bad, it is a Chimp’. However, it is the one that can hijack you and cause you to do and say stuff that you may regret. It’s also the one that stops us taking action in many instances, so it’s a good thing to learn to manage it!

Your Computer is your information storage area. This is your auto-pilot. It stores information that the chimp and human have put into it, so in effect these two are your computer programmers (worth noting). It uses the information that’s been input to act in an automatic way or it can serve as a reference point. It’s where thoughts and behaviours are stored and importantly, learned beliefs and values.

2 Learnings – speed matters

It’s the Chimp in us that senses fear and drives the Fight (attack), Flight (run away) or Freeze (don’t move) response. Your chimp is 5 times stronger than your Human self, so it’s key to learn to manage your Chimp rather than try and overthrow it as you won’t win, it’s too strong!
The good news is that your Computer is stronger than your Chimp. It’s about 20 times faster than your Human brain (so four times more powerful than your Chimp).

This is really valuable to know, as your Human brain just isn’t fast enough to react effectively on it’s own to manage your Chimp. However, if your computer is running well, it can execute commands at an amazing speed with complete accuracy before the chimp or Human has a chance to finish thinking.

Here’s a good example; road rage. So, someone pulls in front of you on a busy road, too close for comfort. What’s your reaction? Your Human rational self might think that this person is in a hurry and perhaps has an emergency they need to get to. In reality, your Chimp has just broken out of it’s cage and is jumping around shouting profanities at this person who has the audacity to cut you up and put you in danger! If our Computer is working well and has positive resourceful information in adundance, your Human self will be able to access this and manage the Chimp (and the situation) well, leaving you fear free, stress free and in control.

So, what do I mean by ‘your computer is working well’?
Well, you are the sum of everything you have learnt and experienced in life. This forms your values and beliefs. Your Computer operates with the information provided to it by the Chimp and the Human.
You are what you think.

Coming back to the road rage example, adopting a belief (and NLP Presupposition) such as ‘Behind every behavior lies a positive intention’ can be useful and resourceful to you. Adopting the belief that everyone acts with positive intent helps diffuse fear, frustration or anger when a persons actions are not in line with your own values or behaviours.

If you want to be at your best, the information that you input needs to be in line with what you want to do, feel and be in life. You can’t access what you don’t know.

Programming your computer with useful and resourceful beliefs can have a positive impact on your wellbeing and your ability to manage fear.

1 Positive Action – And breathe!

You might not have had time yet to consider and adopt new and resourceful beliefs. In this case, a quick and effective way of calming your brain and your emotional self when you are feeling stressed or anxious is deep breathing. Just a few deep breaths work a treat, pumping oxygen back into your human brain and allowing you to get back to rational, calm thinking.

Deep breathing techniques help stimulate relaxation. The 4-7-8 X 7 breathing exercise is simple and effective: Breathe in through your nose while counting to four, hold your breath and count to seven, and then exhale through your mouth while counting to eight. Repeat this pattern seven times.

While inhaling and exhaling sounds pretty self-explanatory, most of us don’t naturally take deep belly breaths. Instead, we tend to take shallow breaths that don’t allow our lungs to fully fill with air, or our bellies to rise and fall. To practice deep breathing techniques, sit in a quiet and comfortable seat. Take a slow deep breath in through your nose. Let your rib cage expand and belly rise as your lungs fill with air. Exhale slowly, and feel your belly and chest fall. You can place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest to feel the accordion like movement of your torso. Keep taking full, deep breaths until you start to feel a sense of calm.

What positive action will you take?

Wishing you the very best,
Caroline

* It’s worth noting that Dr Peters simplifies how the brain works in his book The Chimp Paradox and I have just touched on some key concepts that I have taken from the book to aid reflection (and let’s not forget I’m no neuroscientist!). If you are interested to learn and understand more, I can recommend the book and of course, if you have any questions, do get in touch!

September 18, 2020/0 Comments/by Caroline Gavin