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Is this the formula for Powerful Change?

How easy do you find change?

It’s likely that when you affect change in your own life, based on your own choices and actions, it’s easier than when change is imposed on you by external persons or events.

The reality is, the world is constantly changing, and it seems to be increasing in speed, and complexity.

As humans, we naturally resist change. We gravitate towards what is ‘known’ – that which is familiar – it’s comfortable, and there are few surprises. There are no What Ifs for us to deal with (when our mind so very often runs riot and heads off down the imaginary road of the Worst Possible Outcome – a journey fraught with fear, anxiety, and stress!)

So, how do we better manage, and embrace change?

I’ve just finished the The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership – A new paradigm for sustainable success by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, & Kaley Warner Kemp.

In this book, they offer a powerful change formula which was originally created by Richard Beckhard and David Gleicher, which was then refined by Kathie Dannemiller. For your reference, their website also contains a wealth of videos and handouts to support the book and Conscious Leadership.

The formula offered in the book is (V x D) + FS > R = C

This stands for (Vision x Dissatisfaction) + First Steps > Resistance = Change

Change is about letting go of the known and stepping into the unknown.

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

I love this formula. When I came across it in the book, I lit up. For me, it summarises so much of the work I do with invidivduals, and teams, to bring about positive, powerful change.

VISION as described in the book, is a ‘picture of a preferable future’. You can think of this is many different ways including, your goal, your dream, or your preferred reality. Having a clear and compelling vision, or picture, of where you want to be, what you want to have, or do, is vital to success.

The more clear you are about what you want, the more likely you are to achieve it.

Billy Cox

DISSATISFACTION helps you overcome change, because deep dissatisfaction is painful, and pain is something we want to naturally move away from but of course, that might mean change, so we find ways of numbing or ignoring our true dissatisfaction, by distracting ourselves with rewards – short-term dopamine fixes – such as alcohol, food, cars, clothes, holidays…

V + D gives us the ‘why’, while FS gives us the ‘what and how’

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

FIRST STEPS is taking action, finding tools and strategies to help you move towards what you want (your vision), and away from what you don’t want (your dissatisfaction). This is a key element in the change process and brings to mind another exceptional book – Atomic Habits by James Clear – that offers insights and tools to develop lasting positive habits for long-term change. ‘First Steps’ is also a great description because, in my experience, it’s the first step that can be the most challenging one. Again, you are stepping into the unknown, and with that often comes fear. However ‘Action Cures Fear’ – so that first step is a key one!

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

James Clear – Atomic Habits

RESISTANCE as I mentioned earlier is our own natural resistance to change. What The 15 Commitments book challenges however is our WILLINGNESS to change, suggesting that we might very well know how to change, but how much are we actually willing to make a change – ‘Am I willing to change? Am I really willing to change?’

There’s no middle ground here either, no maybe, or trying, you’re either in, or you’re out;

Trying is wanting credit for something you never intend to do.

Hale Dwoskin – As quoted in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

This book offers many thought-provoking questions to aid reflection, self-awareness, and to bring about change. Here are just two that stand out in this section of the book ‘The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership’ which relate the change;

If I changed, what am I afraid would happen?

What is your picture of the future that is so compelling that it motivates you to overcome your resistance to change, to let go of control, and step into the unknown?

And similarly, my question to you is;

What’s stopping you from making the change you want to make in your life, or your business?

And how can I support you to make that change?

To explore how I can help you, as an individual, a leader, or a team, please do get in touch, either by phone, or email caroline@4positivegrowth.co.uk

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Love or Fear, which do you choose?

Michael Leunig is an Australian poet, cartoonist, and cultural commentator, wrote:
There are only two feelings: love and fear.
There are only two languages: love and fear.
There are only two activities: love and fear.
There are only two motives, two procedures, two frameworks, two results:
love and fear. Love and fear.

That might suggest there is just one choice, love or fear, and personally, I think that’s true.
Where are you choosing to live? In love, or in fear?

I’ve been reading a great book recently called the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.
One of the fundamental principles in the book is that at any given moment we are either operating ‘below the line’ or ‘above the line’.
When someone operates from ‘below the line’ they are closed, defensive, and committed to being right. This is essentially living in fear, in survival mode.
When someone operates from ‘above the line’ they are open, curious, and committed to learning. They are living in and from love; thriving as opposed to surviving.
The book is primarily focused on applying the 15 Commitments within a leadership context however this mindful concept, in my view, is useful, relevant, and impactful in everyday life.

‘Above-the-line leadership occurs when leaders are mindful of their thought process and decide to shift towards above-the-line thinking.’

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

In everyday life, this is being mindful and conscious of whether we are ‘below the line’, living and acting out of fear, or actively choosing and shifting to ‘above the line’, living and acting out of love.

Fear encompasses so many of the negative emotions we encounter every day. In fact, it IS every negative emotion we experience. Read through the list below and make a mental note of how often you think, feel, or do any of the following in a day (which all come from fear):

Judge someone else
Judge yourself
Stress, worry, or get anxious about something
Shout or shout at someone
Gossip
Feel angry or slighted
Carry a grudge
Complain
Rely on your own strength (instead of letting the Universe help)
Feel guilty

What would it be like to spend a day seeing and responding only with love?

No matter what happened or who did what to you, you didn’t get angry or upset and genuinely only saw love in the people around you. How would it change your behaviour and the way your day panned out?

A great habit to raise your self-awareness, and to help you shift towards love, is to simply ask yourself “Is this love or fear?”. Label the emotion, thought, or behaviour. Catch it out, and then make a conscious choice.

‘Catching out’ negative thoughts and emotions is exactly what I’ve been doing over the past 7 weeks as part of the Positive Intelligence Programme I’ve been following with Shirzad Chamine, whose work is a synthesis of the latest breakthroughs in neuroscience, cognitive and positive psychology, and performance science.
Positive Intelligence (PQ) is the science and practice of developing mastery over your own mind so you can reach your full potential for both happiness and success.

When we have mastery over our own mind, we are in control of our thoughts, behaviours, and actions. We can more consciously, and easily make positive choices to support our own resilience, happiness, and wellbeing.

The benefits and positive impact for both individuals, and teams, of boosting PQ and improving mental fitness are numerous and include;

Performance: You perform better while working less hard—similar to athletes “in the zone.”

Happiness: You feel less stressed, more peace, and consistent happiness, even in tough times.

Relationships: You improve relationships, able to handle conflicts in ways that deepen trust and harmony.

If you’re physically fit, you can climb steep hills without physical stress. If you’re mentally fit, you can handle life’s great challenges without mental stress or other negative emotions.

Shirzad Chamine, Positive Intelligence
Saboteurs – Positive Intelligence

Mental fitness is a measure of the strength of your positive mental muscles (Sage) versus the negative (Saboteur). This measure of your Mental Fitness is called PQ (Positive Intelligence Quotient). You can check your own PQ score in the free assessment available at Positive Intelligence and if you’d like to explore this with me, do get in touch.

Your “Sage” handles challenges in ways that produce positive emotions like curiosity, empathy, creativity, calm, and clear-headed laser-focused action.

Your Saboteurs on the other hand cause all your stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, regret, shame, guilt, and unhappiness.

A key to Mental Fitness is to weaken your internal Saboteurs (your inner judge or critics) who generate all your “negativity” in the way they respond to challenges.

Along with the Judge, my own strongest Saboteurs were ‘Hyper-Achiever’ and ‘Controller’ but I’ve been busy ‘catching them out’ and building my Sage, positive mental muscle, keeping the Saboteurs nicely under control! See an image of all the Saboteurs in the illustration to the right.
You can read more about the Saboteurs here, where you can also take a free assessment and learn which are your strongest Saboteurs, and how they are impacting you, and those around you!

If you’d like to work with me in weakening your Saboteurs, and strengthening your Sage ‘mental muscle’, I’m incorporating the PQ tools and strategies into my new programmes, so you can also reach your full potential for both happiness and success!

So that brings us back to that choice,

Where do you want to live?

Below or above the line?

In Saboteur or Sage?

In fear or love?

Surviving, or thriving?

Whether you are an individual or a team, PQ generates powerful, lasting results. To learn more, please do get in touch and I’d be delighted to explore how we can support you.

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Harnessing Positive Thinking – Affirmations and Mindfulness

Our thoughts and our words have a direct impact on us, and those around us. They shape our emotions, behaviours, and actions.

If you’ve ever enjoyed one of my group coaching sessions, you’ll know this is an area I’m very passionate about! Becoming more mindful of our thoughts, and directing our thoughts and words in a more mindful and focused way, can bring about immediate positive change in our lives. Just a small shift can have a significant positive impact!

We are what we think, all that we are arises with our thoughts, with our thoughts we make the world.

Buddha

Most of us know that when we think positively, our words and lives begin to reflect those thoughts. Whether or not we believe we’re beautiful, powerful, or full of energy, studies have shown that our confidence and alertness begin to increase simply by telling ourselves that we are.

The opposite is also true. When we speak negatively of ourselves and the world around us, those words impact our state of mind and wellbeing. Consider for a moment, your own language, and how you might be self-sabotaging! Which words and thoughts are negatively impacting you physically, emotionally, or mentally?

Do any of the following resonate?

“I’m just not good enough.”

“I’m never going to be able to do this job; I’m just not smart enough.”

“I’m not confident enough to do that.”

Many of us have negative thoughts like these, sometimes frequently. When we think like this, our confidence, mood and outlook can become negative, too.

The problem with negative thoughts is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We talk ourselves into believing that we’re not good enough. And, as a result, these thoughts drag down our personal lives, our relationships, and our careers.

Fortunately, with a little more focus and mindful practice, we can recognize and root out disempowering words and thoughts, and experience the positive shift in our life that comes with doing so. An important skill that mindful practice teaches is the ability to observe your thoughts. If you’d like to develop this skill, I can share a wonderful exercise with you – The Sushi Train: Mindful Creation of Positive Thoughts (Source – PositivePsychology.com). Simply contact me directly and I will happily explore this resource with you.

We can also actively shift our focus, and develop a more positive outlook, by using positive affirmations.

What are positive affirmations?

Positive affirmations are almost as easy to define as they are to practice! Put simply, they are positive phrases or statements used to challenge negative or unhelpful thoughts. Practicing positive affirmations can be extremely simple, and all you need to do is pick a phrase and repeat it to yourself.

You may choose to use positive affirmations to motivate yourself, encourage positive changes in your life, or boost your self-esteem. If you frequently find yourself getting caught up in negative self-talk, positive affirmations can be used to combat these often subconscious patterns and replace them with more adaptive narratives.

How can they support positive thinking, and positive outcomes?

You might consider affirmations to be unrealistic ‘wishful thinking’, but try looking at positive affirmations this way: many of us do repetitive exercises to improve our physical health, and affirmations are like exercises for our mind and outlook. These positive mental repetitions can reprogram our thinking patterns so that, over time, we begin to think – and act – differently.

Evidence suggests that affirmations can help you to perform better in life, and in your work. According to researchers, spending just a few minutes thinking about your best qualities before a pressured or stressful situation, can calm your nerves, increase your confidence, and improve your chances of a successful outcome.

Self-affirmation may also help to mitigate the effects of stress. In one study, a short affirmation exercise boosted the problem-solving abilities of “chronically stressed” subjects to the same level as those with low stress.

What’s more, affirmations have been used to successfully treat people with low self-esteem, depression, and other mental health conditions. And they have been shown to stimulate the areas in our brains that make us more likely to affect positive changes in regard to our health.

This latter study suggests that a stronger sense of self-worth makes you more likely to improve your own well-being. So, for example, if you’re worried that you eat too much and don’t get enough exercise, using affirmations to remind yourself of your values can spur you on to change your behavior.

You can use affirmations in any situation where you’d like to see a positive change take place in your life. For example;

  • Control negative feelings such as frustration, anger, or impatience.
  • Improve your self-esteem.
  • Finish projects you’ve started.
  • Improve your productivity.
  • Overcome a bad habit.

Affirmations can help boost the effectiveness and impact of other self-development and personal performance interventions –

Affirmations work particularly well alongside visualization. Instead of just picturing the change you’d like to see, you can also write it down or say it aloud using a positive affirmation. Read more here about the Power of Visualization!

Affirmations are also useful when setting personal goals. Once you’ve identified the goals you’d like to achieve, affirmative statements can help you to keep yourself motivated in order to achieve them. Read more here about the Power of Goals!

The effectiveness of affirmations has been proven in various studies. If you’d like to read more about this, the following blog from PositivePsychology.com provides a deeper insight into affirmations.

It’s important however to follow some useful steps in creating your affirmations, otherwise you may find them not to be quite so effective!

Affirmations are at their most effective when they are –

  • positive
  • in the present
  • personal & meaningful to you
  • credible & achievable
  • concise & specific
  • less is often more
  • repeated at least 3 times a day for 30 days in a row

A useful starting point for creating your affirmation could be ‘Every day I am becoming more ……..‘

Here are some reasons why they are more effective stated this way:

Phrase all of your affirmations positively.
Instead of using “I am not a procrastinator” you could say “I am procrastination-free.” Your subconscious doesn’t understand negative words such as not, don’t, won’t, or can’t. Your affirmations become even more powerful if you include reasons for them such as “I am procrastination-free because I do my daily tasks.”

Always use the present tense.

Also, avoid words like “should”, “could” or “would” because they imply that you could be a certain way but not necessarily are. Write and speak your affirmation as if it’s already happening. This helps you to believe that the statement is true right now. Your subconscious only recognizes the present tense. You have to train your subconscious mind to think in terms of what you already are. Choose a condition you desire and state it to be already true such as “I am confident because I set boundaries and speak up.”

Make them as personal as possible by stating reasons that fit your individual life or schedule.

Think about the areas of your life that you’d like to change. For instance, do you wish that you had more patience? Or deeper relationships with your friends and colleagues? Or would you like a more productive workday? For instance, if you are currently trying to get in shape you could say “I am healthy because I go to the gym for one hour on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays” instead of simply stating “I am healthy”.

In making them personal to you, it’s useful to consider whether they are compatible with your core values – the things that most matter to you, so that you’ll feel genuinely motivated to achieve them.

Be sure that your affirmation is credible and achievable.

Base it on a realistic assessment of the facts. For instance, imagine that you’re unhappy with the level of salary that you currently receive. You could use affirmations to raise your confidence to ask for a salary increase. However, it probably wouldn’t be wise to affirm to yourself that you’re going to double your salary: for most people, and most organizations, doubling what you’re earning in one go isn’t feasible. Keep it realistic! After all, affirmations are not magic spells – if you can’t believe in them, it’s unlikely they’ll impact your life.

Be concise and specifc.

Very general affirmations such as “I am healthy” or “I am happy” are too vague to be understood by your subconscious. Choose statements that are specifically important to you at the time you practice them. Make them as personal as possible by stating reasons that fit your individual life or schedule. For instance, if you are currently trying to get in shape you could say “I am healthy because I go to the gym for one hour on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays” instead of simply stating “I am healthy”.

So often in life, less is more!

Focus on what you feel you specifically need and want to work on at this moment. Ideally, focus on no more than 10 affirmations at a time. This will keep the information for your subconscious manageable.

Make Repetition a Priority – repeat them at least 3 times a day for 30 days in a row

The power of affirmations lies in repeating them to yourself regularly. It’s useful to recite your affirmations several times a day (have them pop up in your notifications, or have them on your home screen!). You also need to repeat your affirmations as soon as you engage in the negative thought or behavior that you want to overcome.

I hope this post has been useful to you in reflecting on the value of affirmations in helping you achieve positive change in your life. If you have any questions about the content or would like to explore coaching together with me, please do get in touch.

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The Power of Visualization – Mind Movies

See it in your mind. Replay it over and over again and, when you actually come to do it, it will be nothing new.

Visualization is the ability to create pictures in your mind. It can help boost your motivation, clarity, and success in life, optimizing your performance, and reducing anxiety, fear, and stress in new, or pressured situations.

The interesting thing about the mind is that it has a difficult time distinguishing between reality and imagination. Whether you have just landed your dream job, or simply imagine landing your dream job, your body will stimulate the same neural networks, causing blood pressure, breathing, and heart rate to respond the same!

Visualization, or mental imagery, is not merely wishful thinking nor is it a form of daydreaming, both of which are passive and unfocused. Visualization is active and purposeful. When you visualize certain changes you wish to take place in your body, they tend to occur, even though you may be unaware of the underlying mechanisms.

Anything can be visualized, but not all people find it easy to visualize. First, the person must believe that the strategy is effective. Second, it is a skill that can require practice, patience, and time!

If you can see it and believe it, it is a lot easier to achieve it.

Oprah Winfrey

What is the science behind visualization?

‘Did you know that mentally rehearsing and imagining movements share the same brain mechanism as actually doing these same movements? Simply put, the brain has the same activity when it visualizes doing an action as it does when it is physically performing the action. We see elite athletes use visualization all the time.

Brain studies now reveal that thoughts produce the same mental instructions as actions. Mental imagery impacts many cognitive processes in the brain: motor control, attention, perception, planning, and memory. So the brain is getting trained for actual performance during visualization.

It’s been found that mental practices can enhance motivation, increase confidence and self-efficacy, improve motor performance, prime your brain for success, and increase states of flow—all relevant to achieving your best life!

Another neuroscientific reason why visualization can help you achieve your goals relates to the brain’s Reticular Activating System (RAS). By using visualization daily, your brain will more readily allow any opportunities to meet your goals into your conscious awareness. Here’s how: the RAS is a bundle of neurons that have several functions, including being a gatekeeper that decides what information is brought into your conscious awareness.’ The Neuroscience of Visualization – Dr. Amy Palmer

How do you visualise?

Visualization is really quite simple. You sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine — in as vivid detail as you can — what you would be looking at if the dream you have were already realized. Imagine being inside of yourself, looking out through your eyes at the ideal result.

Some people are better than others at visualizing. Some people believe that they cannot visualize, but what they are actually experiencing is the inability to visualize on demand. Everyone has experience of dreaming, and dreams are just visualizations, so the ability is there. You just need to develop it. If you cannot visualize colors or you only get words or feelings don’t feel you have failed or that you have to try extra hard. Just use a visualization technique that allows your mind to drift and see whatever your mind lets you see.

Visualise the thing that you want. See it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blue print, and begin to build.

Robert Collier

There’s nothing mystic about this, and there is a very good reason why many successful people continue to use this technique to help them realize their goals and desired outcomes. When you imagine your success, you’ll be more attuned to opportunities that can help you get there. You’ll be able to anticipate and plan for setbacks, and you’ll also have a constant reminder of why you chose to pursue those goals in the first place.

There are many different techniques that you can use to support visualization and I encourage you to explore and discover what works best for you.

Personally, I find the techniques I have learned through NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) very effective, and when combined with Kinaethetic Anchoring, their impact is further enhanced.

Below is brief description of how you can begin to practice vizualisation for yourself –

Begin by establishing a highly specific goal or desired outcome (this can also be a shift in behaviour).

Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes (if it’s safe), and allow yourself to imagine the future; where you have already achieved your goal.

Hold a mental “picture” of it as if it were occurring to you right at that moment. Experience yourself ‘performing’ in the moment.

Imagine the scene in as much detail as possible. Engage as many of your five senses as you can in your visualization.

See what you see. Feel what you feel. And, hear what you hear.

For example, who are you with? Which emotions are you feeling right now? What are you wearing? Is there a smell in the air? What do you hear? What is your environment?

Eliminate any doubts, if they come to you.

When you have finished running through the ‘scene’ in your mind, you can again open your eyes and proceed with your day!

Here are some recommendations to get the most out of your visualization practice from Dr. Amy Palmer:

  1. Be Specific: Make your visualization as real as possible!
  2. Be Emotional: By adding emotion to our visualization, we tap into our brain’s limbic system, making our visualization even more powerful.
  3. Be Frequent: To keep your goals front and center in your brain’s conscious and unconscious awareness, I recommend visualization at least twice a day.

Using visualization techniques to focus on your goals and desires yields a number of benefits –

Increased motivation – By familiarizing yourself with feelings of achievement, you increase your motivation to reach your end goal and believe success is more plausible and realistic. It builds your internal motivation to take the necessary actions to achieve your goals.

Clarity – Visualization allows you to remove all the emotion surrounding negativity, and instead, place your attention on actions that will enable you to achieve personal success. It programmes your brain to more readily perceive and recognize the resources you will need to achieve your goals and desired outcomes.

Increased positive thoughts – By shifting your attention to positive thoughts and outcomes, you also shift your emotions. What we think, is how we feel, and in turn, how we act.

Optimized performance -By mentally preparing for challenging circumstances, you can develop coping strategies and better respond to future anxieties.

Reduced stress – Visualization is one of the best ways to get your mind back on track when you feel out of balance.

Combining visualization with daily affirmations (e.g. “I am confident” or “I am calm”) can further enhance the process of embedding new beliefs and behaviours, and can help you work towards your desired outcome.

For athletes, visualization process is called “mental rehearsal”.

Mental rehearsal occurs when a performer rehearses in his or her mind the physical skills that the performer wishes to practice. In this process, there is no visible physical movement. The process involves imagining the performance and rehearsing the activity in the mind, in an attempt to prepare the mind and body for competition (Browne et. Al., 2009).

The key is a technique called mental rehearsal, where you imagine a desired outcome in such a way that you make your inner thoughts more real than your outer environment.

Dr Joe Dispenza

Experiencing as much as we can in our mind prior to the actual event stops athletes from becoming overcome by their senses, which can cause fear or panic to affect their performance levels. The same can be true of important events at work, for example when we attend a meeting, or need to make a presentation or a speech, by experiencing as much as we can in our mind, performing at our best, it becomes like second nature and normal.

We can think of this process as a cycle: Thinking the same thoughts, that lead to the same choices, which follow on to the same behaviours, that in turn make the same experiences, which produce the same emotions, which in turn drive the same thoughts.

So once in a new situation for real, you will have repeated the cycle in your mind so much that your body in the real situation will feel it as normal and not a threat.

If you’d like to explore visualisation, anchoring, or NLP techniques to support positive behaviour change with me, please do get in touch.!

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create

Albert Einstein

For your interest, I’ve also included in this post how you can visualize with the ‘Mental Rehearsal’ technique. This is from Jack Canfield’s blog post on visualization.

Source Jack Canfield – Visualization Techniques to Affirm Your Desired Outcomes: A Step-by-Step Guide:

Visualize with the ‘Mental Rehearsal’ Technique

All you have to do is set aside a few minutes a day. The best times are when you first wake up, and right before you go to bed. These are the times you are most relaxed.

Go through the following three steps:

STEP 1. Imagine sitting in a movie theater, the lights dim, and then the movie starts. It is a movie of you doing perfectly whatever it is that you want to do better. See as much detail as you can create, including your clothing, the expression on your face, small body movements, the environment and any other people that might be around. Add in any sounds you would be hearing — traffic, music, other people talking, cheering. And finally, recreate in your body any feelings you think you would be experiencing as you engage in this activity.

STEP 2. Get out of your chair, walk up to the screen, open a door in the screen and enter into the movie. Now experience the whole thing again from inside of yourself, looking out through your eyes. This is called an “embodied image” rather than a “distant image.” It will deepen the impact of the experience. Again, see everything in vivid detail, hear the sounds you would hear, and feel the feelings you would feel.

STEP 3. Finally, walk back out of the screen that is still showing the picture of you performing perfectly, return to your seat in the theater, reach out and grab the screen and shrink it down to the size of a cracker. Then, bring this miniature screen up to your mouth, chew it up and swallow it. Imagine that each tiny piece — just like a hologram — contains the full picture of you performing well. Imagine all these little screens traveling down into your stomach and out through the bloodstream into every cell of your body. Then imagine that every cell of your body is lit up with a movie of you performing perfectly. It’s like one of those appliance store windows where 50 televisions are all tuned to the same channel.

When you have finished this process — it should take less than five minutes — you can open your eyes and go about your business. If you make this part of your daily routine, you will be amazed at how much improvement you will see in your life.

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Which wolf are you feeding – the positive or the negative one?

Our thoughts and words have incredible power.

Words have a magical power. They can either bring the greatest happiness or the deepest despair.

Sigmund Freud

Yesterday, I heard a wonderful story which depicted this beautifully.

Two Wolves is a Cherokee Indian legend and illustrates the most important battle of our lives – the one between our good and bad thoughts. Here is how the story goes:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Our negative thoughts and words can create anxiety, anger, resentment, jealousy—an array of emotions. Negative thinking is normal. However, if this way of thinking becomes incessant, it can lead to depression and self-destructive behavior, derailing us from what we want most in life. Negative thinking saps our energy, erodes our self-confidence, and can put us in a bad mood. Certainly, many would agree that our thoughts come and go so quickly that it seems impossible to notice them, but with awareness and an attitude of self-compassion, we can redirect our negative thoughts to more positive ones.

Everything in life, is a choice, and that includes our thoughts and our words.

Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy. That is if we let them. Think about how you may be “feeding” your negative thoughts by allowing them to rule your mind. Next time you have a negative thought, catch it and ask yourself,

“What is this thought doing for me?”

You will find that the answer is that all they are doing is disempowering you. You can immediately feel more empowered by focusing on something good in your life, but also by shifting your language to more positive thoughts and words. 

 Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice.

Anonymous

We can create greater peace, confidence and a more positive outlook by learning how to manage our thoughts and words. If you’d like to read more about The Power of Language and enjoy a reflective exercise to raise your awareness of the language you are using, you can find this here.

We also focus on managing our thoughts and words in the MENS SANA ‘Healthy Mind’ Coaching Programme that I deliver! For more information, and for upcoming dates, please get in touch.

Which wolf are you feeding?

The choice is yours.

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NEW! MENS SANA – ‘Healthy Mind’ Sessions start again on January 27th, 7-8 pm

Click Here to Register for the next MENS SANA – your coach is me, Caroline @4Positivegrowth

If you have any questions, or want to discuss the programme, please call or message me on 07710 631181 and I will call you back!

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Empowered You – Life Coaching Sessions

What does ‘Empowered’ mean to you?

How does it feel and what does it give you?

There are a number of different dictionary definitions for ‘Empowered’ including,

Having the knowledge, confidence, means, or ability to do things or make decisions for oneself.

To make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

For me, it’s being #empowered to be at your best, to live your best life.

It’s having the #confidence and #clarity to achieve what is most important to you in your life.

It’s about achieving #balance, for optimal #resilience and #wellbeing.

How will you be empowered to be at your best in 2021?

I’d be delighted to learn more about you, and how I can help you be at your best.

Simply get in touch via email, or phone, and we can arrange time for a discovery session together.

Caroline #4positivegrowth

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Getting to know your brain

Sharing ideas and learnings 4PositiveGrowth

So, I shared my learnings from Mindset by Carol Dweck and I’ve also finished More Time to Think by Nancy Kline (and I’ll come back to that another day) but today I’m sharing my ideas and learnings so far from the banana, planet and chimp filled book, The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters.

As the title suggests, this book talks a lot about chimps, but in fact it’s about Mind Management and how we can manage our mind and our emotional selves better to be at our best.

I’m particularly interested in better understanding what triggers fear in us and how we can manage this better. Fear pretty much stops us doing the things we want to do in life, so finding ways of managing and overcoming fear is key.  This book gives some really useful and valuable insights into the brain and it’s relationship fear; where it comes from and how to manage it.

It simplifies* our psychological mind into three separate brains: Human, Chimp and Computer. 

3 Ideas – Getting to know your brain

You are the Human brain. This is your rational thinking self – the one that works logically in your best interest.

Your Chimp is your emotional self. As Dr Peters says ‘If offers emotional thoughts that can be very constructive or very destructive; it’s not good or bad, it is a Chimp’. However, it is the one that can hijack you and cause you to do and say stuff that you may regret. It’s also the one that stops us taking action in many instances, so it’s a good thing to learn to manage it!

Your Computer is your information storage area. This is your auto-pilot. It stores information that the chimp and human have put into it, so in effect these two are your computer programmers (worth noting). It uses the information that’s been input to act in an automatic way or it can serve as a reference point. It’s where thoughts and behaviours are stored and importantly, learned beliefs and values.

2 Learnings – speed matters

It’s the Chimp in us that senses fear and drives the Fight (attack), Flight (run away) or Freeze (don’t move) response. Your chimp is 5 times stronger than your Human self, so it’s key to learn to manage your Chimp rather than try and overthrow it as you won’t win, it’s too strong! 
The good news is that your Computer is stronger than your Chimp. It’s about 20 times faster than your Human brain (so four times more powerful than your Chimp).

This is really valuable to know, as your Human brain just isn’t fast enough to react effectively on it’s own to manage your Chimp. However, if your computer is running well, it can execute commands at an amazing speed with complete accuracy before the chimp or Human has a chance to finish thinking.

Here’s a good example; road rage. So, someone pulls in front of you on a busy road, too close for comfort. What’s your reaction? Your Human rational self might think that this person is in a hurry and perhaps has an emergency they need to get to. In reality, your Chimp has just broken out of it’s cage and is jumping around shouting profanities at this person who has the audacity to cut you up and put you in danger! If our Computer is working well and has positive resourceful information in adundance, your Human self will be able to access this and manage the Chimp (and the situation) well, leaving you fear free, stress free and in control.

So, what do I mean by ‘your computer is working well’?
Well, you are the sum of everything you have learnt and experienced in life. This forms your values and beliefs. Your Computer operates with the information provided to it by the Chimp and the Human.
You are what you think.

Coming back to the road rage example, adopting a belief (and NLP Presupposition) such as  ‘Behind every behavior lies a positive intention’ can be useful and resourceful to you. Adopting the belief that everyone acts with positive intent helps diffuse fear, frustration or anger when a persons actions are not in line with your own values or behaviours. 

If you want to be at your best, the information that you input needs to be in line with what you want to do, feel and be in life. You can’t access what you don’t know.

Programming your computer with useful and resourceful beliefs can have a positive impact on your wellbeing and your ability to manage fear.

1 Positive Action – And breathe!

You might not have had time yet to consider and adopt new and resourceful beliefs. In this case, a quick and effective way of calming your brain and your emotional self when you are feeling stressed or anxious is deep breathing. Just a few deep breaths work a treat, pumping oxygen back into your human brain and allowing you to get back to rational, calm thinking.

Deep breathing techniques help stimulate relaxation. The 4-7-8 X 7 breathing exercise is simple and effective: Breathe in through your nose while counting to four, hold your breath and count to seven, and then exhale through your mouth while counting to eight. Repeat this pattern seven times. 

While inhaling and exhaling sounds pretty self-explanatory, most of us don’t naturally take deep belly breaths. Instead, we tend to take shallow breaths that don’t allow our lungs to fully fill with air, or our bellies to rise and fall. To practice deep breathing techniques, sit in a quiet and comfortable seat. Take a slow deep breath in through your nose. Let your rib cage expand and belly rise as your lungs fill with air. Exhale slowly, and feel your belly and chest fall. You can place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest to feel the accordion like movement of your torso. Keep taking full, deep breaths until you start to feel a sense of calm.

What positive action will you take?

Wishing you the very best,
Caroline

*  It’s worth noting that Dr Peters simplifies how the brain works in his book The Chimp Paradox and I have just touched on some key concepts that I have taken from the book to aid reflection (and let’s not forget I’m no neuroscientist!). If you are interested to learn and understand more, I can recommend the book and of course, if you have any questions, do get in touch!

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Positive Stress Management

Research suggests, that when stress is managed correctly, stress can actually have a positive impact on your productivity and performance.

We read a great deal about the impact of stress, particularly the negative effects it can have on our brain, our bodies, and long term health. It’s key to be aware of the negative impact of stress but it’s equally, if not more, important to understand why we get stressed and, how to more positively manage this.

Stress is a significant factor in mental health problems including anxiety and depression. It is also linked to physical health problems like heart disease, problems with our immune system, insomnia, and digestive problems. Individually we need to understand what is causing us personal stress and learn what steps we can take to reduce it for ourselves and those around us.

Mental Health Foundation, May 2018

In this post, my intention is to help you better understand stress, so you can more positively manage it, for an improved self-management and personal wellbeing.

What is stress?

We all know what it’s like to feel stressed, but it’s not easy to pin down exactly what stress means. When we say things like “this is stressful” or “I’m stressed”, we might be talking about:

Situations or events that put pressure on us – for example, times where we have lots to do and think about, or don’t have much control over what happens.

Our reaction to being placed under pressure – the feelings we get when we have demands placed on us that we find difficult to cope with.

A UK-wide stress survey has found that almost three-quarters of adults (74%) have at some point over the past year felt so stressed they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope.

Mental Health Foundation. May 2018

What happens when we get ‘stressed’?

When we feel anxious, our bodies release hormones called cortisol and adrenaline. (This is the body’s automatic way of preparing to respond to a threat, sometimes called the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response). As the amygdala reacts to a threat (or the stressor) the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system, which releases adrenaline. The adrenal cortex releases cortisol for continued alertness.

While stress itself is not necessarily problematic, the buildup of cortisol in the brain can have long-term effects. If you’re often stressed then you’re probably producing high levels of these hormones, which can make you feel physically unwell and could affect your health in the longer term.

Thus, chronic stress can lead to health problems. The signs of continued and long term stress can present themself in the body as shown below.

Stress also has a negative impact on our brains and our cognitive thinking, resulting is weaker control of thought, emotions and actions.

The diagram below is from A. Arnsten’s article ‘How coronavirus stress may scramble our brains’, SCIENCE NEWS (May 24th, 2020) in which he says, “Normally, an alert person’s brain has moderate amounts of chemical messengers that lead the prefrontal cortex to take charge and perform high-level thinking (below left). But with stress, those chemical signals can flood the brain, activating amygdala-linked brain networks involved in sensing and responding to threats (below right).“

“Even relatively mild stress can impair the prefrontal cortex, that’s one of the most robust effects of stress on the brain.”

Elizabeth Phelps – Psychologist and Neuroscientist at Harvard University

The long-term impact of stress on our brains is alarming, including increased risk of depression, poor sleep, decreased motivation, and mental agility. The cover image for this article shows the impact of long term stress and was taken from the article ‘How chronic stress changes the brain – and what you can do to reverse the damage’, March 11th 2020 .

So, how can we more positively manage stress, not only to reduce its impact but also, have a positive impact on our productivity and performance?

Firstly, not all stress is negative. Stress can be positive and can actually help improve motivation, focus, and performance. The image below describes EUSTRESS – Positive Stress and DISTRESS – Negative Stress.

Source – What’s your stress threshold, Dr Andrea Dinardo

The ‘trigger point’ or ‘stress threshold’, where stress moves from positive ‘Eustress’ to negative ‘Distress’, varies from person to person, situation to situation (e.g., Work vs. Personal), and is based on individual strengths, challenges, personal wellbeing, and personal history.

You can improve your ‘stress threshold’, and better manage stress, by making positive changes to support your physical and mental wellbeing, such as eating more healthily, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient rest.

Also, research shows that our attitude and approach toward stress can either increase or decrease actual stress levels within us.

In a study conducted by Shawn Achor, an expert in positive psychology, and Yale researcher Alia Crum, they worked with 380 managers to see if stress could be shifted from debilitating to enhancing merely by changing mindset at work.

The findings of our study were significant: when an individual thought about stress as enhancing, instead of debilitating, they embraced the reality of their current stress level and used it to their advantage. The negative parts of stress (distress) started to diminish because the fight-or-flight response was not activated, and the individual felt more productive and energetic, as well as reporting significantly fewer physical symptoms associated with distress (such as headaches, backaches, fatigue). In addition, on a scale of 1 to 4, productivity assessment moved from 1.9 to 2.6 — a significant shift. Life satisfaction scores also increased, which in previous studies has been found to be one of the greatest predictors of productivity and happiness at work.

Make Stress Work for You – Harvard Business Review, Shawn Achor, February 15, 2011

The image below demonstrates how stress can be a positive catalyst to improve performance, helping improve focus, and motivation.

Source – Thriving Under Pressure, Dr. Andrea Dinardo

Shawn Achor adds, “Stress can be good or bad depending on how you use it,”

Either side of the ‘optimum stress’ zone, a lack of stress, or healthy tension, can leave you feeling bored and de-motivated. Stress overload, on the other hand, can leave you feeling exhausted and can increase anxiety, the risk of panic attacks, and fuel anger, and burn-out. It is key to be alert to the signs of both boredom and stress overload if you are to manage stress to achieve a more positive outcome.

‘Altering your approach to stress can yield positive effects’

Better Under Pressure: How Great Leaders Bring Out the Best in Themselves and Others

Below is a list of suggestions to support more positive stress management, These are a combination of my own suggestions, and those of Justin Menkes, author of ‘Better Under Pressure: How Great Leaders Bring Out the Best in Themselves and Others’.

1. Recognize worry and stress for what it is – a feeling
“When you hear about stress being unhealthy it is so often because people aren’t getting to a place where they are seeing worry for what it is: a feeling,” says Menkes. The heightened reaction — tension in the body, heart racing — is an indicator of how much you care about the task you are about to do. In fact, according to Menkes, how much stress you feel is directly correlated to the importance of the activity. “If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t worry,” he says. Once you understand worry as an indicator rather than a symptom of dysfunction or a cause for panic, you can react to it more rationally. Plus, remember that stress is not unending. “Feelings by definition are fleeting. They feel like they will be eternal but just give it five minutes,” says Menkes.

2. Re-frame stress
Once you’ve recognized what worry is, you then need to adjust your mindset. Shawn Achor’s research shows that how you view stress determines its effect on you. “Our brains work much better at positive than at negative, neutral, or stressed,” he says. When you are negative and worried, your brain goes into “fight or flight” mode, which limits your ability to think. If you are positive and concerned, then your brain turns to “broaden and build” thinking which allows you to process more possibilities. Which direction you go in is up to you. “When people have a stressor in their life, they can attempt to see it as a challenge, instead of a threat,” says Achor. This mental shift will allow the feeling to be activating rather than paralyzing.

3. Focus on what you can control
One of the most positive things you can do when faced with worry or anxiety is to consider what is in your control and what is not. ‘Letting go’ of what is not in your control, or what is not important, helps reduce pressure, empowering you to focus on what is in your control.

4. Develop your relationships
Build supportive relationships when you’re not stressed. Invest in those who will support you when needed and, support them when they need it too. Build relationships with positive, solution-focused individuals who can support you to find ways to overcome the challenges and stresses that inevitably appear in our lives, rather than those who focus on the negatives and obstacles to positive change.

5. Invest in your stress management skills, including emotional and mind management skills
The best way to manage stress is to better understand it for what it is and, to better understand yourself. You can learn more about the impact of emotions and how you can manage these more effectively in a separate post from 4PositiveGrowth. Alternatively, the MENS SANA (Healthy Mind) self-development programme that I deliver, takes you on a 13-week journey of self-discovery and improved self-management, and includes 1-hour coaching sessions on ‘Handling Stress’, ‘Mind Management’, Emotional Management, and Achieving a Balanced Life, to name just a few of the 13 empowering sessions.

Learn more about the MENS SANA programme here.

Useful Principles for more positive stress management – a summary:

  • Think of stress as an indicator that you care about something, rather than a cause for panic
  • Focus on the task, rather than the emotion
  • Build relationships with positive, solution-focused people who you can turn to in times of stress
  • Remember that stress is an emotional reaction and it is not going to last forever
  • Focus on what is within your control, rather than worrying about what is not
  • Invest in your stress management skills, including mind and emotional management
  • Make positive changes to support your physical and mental wellbeing, such as eating more healthily, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient rest

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Resourceful Beliefs

I recently delivered a webinar on Procrastination for the Institute of Leadership & Management. The title of the session was ‘Stop sabotaging your success and get on with what is good for you’. In the session, I shared a number of tools and processes to help reduce and manage procrastination including; awareness, knowledge, and perspective. 

You can read the full article that supports this session here, or you can watch the session, which is just 30 minutes long, here.

The session generated a huge number of questions from the audience and a number of these questions focused on perspective and beliefs.

Are your beliefs helping or hindering you?

Our beliefs have a direct impact on how we think and act. Beliefs can be helpful to us but they can also hinder us in life. So, what better reflection for 3-2-1 today than beliefs and in this case, positive, resourceful ones!

3 Ideas – Trying on new beliefs

ONLY – There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

FLEXIBLE – If what you do doesn’t work, be flexible, and try something different.

RESOURCES – People have all the resources they need to succeed.

2 Learnings – Adopting resourceful beliefs

The above beliefs are all NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Presuppositions. They are not necessarily true, but they can produce useful results for us.

Beliefs are usually self-fulfilling. 

‘What you think, you are.’

What we believe is what we think and, how we think impacts how we feel and in turn, how we act.

So by changing what we believe, this can have an immediate and positive impact on our emotions and behaviours.

The second belief ‘If what you do doesn’t work, be flexible, and try something different’ is a great place to start.

This is based on the Law of Requisite Variety. It states that the person with the most flexibility of behaviour will control the system. That basically means that the more choices you have, the more freedom you will feel, and the better a quality of life you can have.

This is a resourceful belief on a personal as well as an organisational level. An organisation that is flexible will respond to changes by evolving. The most flexible organization does not fight change; a flexible organization accepts change as an inevitable part of the business environment, so it learns to maximize its opportunities whenever change comes along.

Similarly, as individuals, if we are able to respond to any situation in a variety of ways, we are more likely to achieve our desired outcome.

Life is 10% what is happening to you and 90% how you react to it.

And in thinking about the outcome or goals you want to achieve, the belief that ‘People have all the resources they need to succeed’ can also be very empowering.

People have all the resources that they need to make the changes that they want or, they can create them.

There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states*.

Whenever we do not achieve our desired outcome, we tend to blame other people, external circumstances, our ill-luck, or even our own selves. We either fail to realize that we possess the resources to attain the achievements we aim for or we do not make efficient use of the resources.

It is for us to recognize them and access them. 

Resources are both external to us and internal within us.

What resources do you have available to you?

What assumptions are you making that are limiting your resources?

What resources will you build on to achieve your desired outcome?

1 Positive Action – Embrace feedback

‘There is no such thing as failure. Only feedback exists.’

All experiences are an opportunity for reflection, learning, and growth.

Whether this is success or failure, it is always valuable to ask, what did I learn from the experience?

What went well?

What can I improve on?

What and how will I change?

What and how will I do things differently?

My own experience of embracing this belief is that I have been able to reduce or eliminate many fears that would have stopped me from taking action in life.

“Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.”

And also ‘better to have tried and failed than to live a life wondering what would’ve happened if you had tried’ – Alfred Lord Tennyson

What positive action will you take?

* States in this context are emotional states of being.

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Contact us – Let’s talk about how we can help you

Get in touch either using the information below OR send us your details and it would be our pleasure to give you a call

  • Email

    caroline@4positivegrowth.co.uk

  • Phone

    07710 631181

  • Address

    Heswall, Wirral, CH60 6SS