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Which wolf are you feeding – the positive or the negative one?

Our thoughts and words have incredible power.

Words have a magical power. They can either bring the greatest happiness or the deepest despair.

Sigmund Freud

Yesterday, I heard a wonderful story which depicted this beautifully.

Two Wolves is a Cherokee Indian legend and illustrates the most important battle of our lives – the one between our good and bad thoughts. Here is how the story goes:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Our negative thoughts and words can create anxiety, anger, resentment, jealousy—an array of emotions. Negative thinking is normal. However, if this way of thinking becomes incessant, it can lead to depression and self-destructive behavior, derailing us from what we want most in life. Negative thinking saps our energy, erodes our self-confidence, and can put us in a bad mood. Certainly, many would agree that our thoughts come and go so quickly that it seems impossible to notice them, but with awareness and an attitude of self-compassion, we can redirect our negative thoughts to more positive ones.

Everything in life, is a choice, and that includes our thoughts and our words.

Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy. That is if we let them. Think about how you may be “feeding” your negative thoughts by allowing them to rule your mind. Next time you have a negative thought, catch it and ask yourself,

“What is this thought doing for me?”

You will find that the answer is that all they are doing is disempowering you. You can immediately feel more empowered by focusing on something good in your life, but also by shifting your language to more positive thoughts and words. 

 Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice.

Anonymous

We can create greater peace, confidence and a more positive outlook by learning how to manage our thoughts and words. If you’d like to read more about The Power of Language and enjoy a reflective exercise to raise your awareness of the language you are using, you can find this here.

We also focus on managing our thoughts and words in the MENS SANA ‘Healthy Mind’ Coaching Programme that I deliver! For more information, and for upcoming dates, please get in touch.

Which wolf are you feeding?

The choice is yours.

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NEW! MENS SANA – ‘Healthy Mind’ Sessions start again on January 27th, 7-8 pm

Click Here to Register for the next MENS SANA – your coach is me, Caroline @4Positivegrowth

If you have any questions, or want to discuss the programme, please call or message me on 07710 631181 and I will call you back!

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Empowered You – Life Coaching Sessions

What does ‘Empowered’ mean to you?

How does it feel and what does it give you?

There are a number of different dictionary definitions for ‘Empowered’ including,

Having the knowledge, confidence, means, or ability to do things or make decisions for oneself.

To make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

For me, it’s being #empowered to be at your best, to live your best life.

It’s having the #confidence and #clarity to achieve what is most important to you in your life.

It’s about achieving #balance, for optimal #resilience and #wellbeing.

How will you be empowered to be at your best in 2021?

I’d be delighted to learn more about you, and how I can help you be at your best.

Simply get in touch via email, or phone, and we can arrange time for a discovery session together.

Caroline #4positivegrowth

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Getting to know your brain

Sharing ideas and learnings 4PositiveGrowth

So, I shared my learnings from Mindset by Carol Dweck and I’ve also finished More Time to Think by Nancy Kline (and I’ll come back to that another day) but today I’m sharing my ideas and learnings so far from the banana, planet and chimp filled book, The Chimp Paradox by Dr Steve Peters.

As the title suggests, this book talks a lot about chimps, but in fact it’s about Mind Management and how we can manage our mind and our emotional selves better to be at our best.

I’m particularly interested in better understanding what triggers fear in us and how we can manage this better. Fear pretty much stops us doing the things we want to do in life, so finding ways of managing and overcoming fear is key.  This book gives some really useful and valuable insights into the brain and it’s relationship fear; where it comes from and how to manage it.

It simplifies* our psychological mind into three separate brains: Human, Chimp and Computer. 

3 Ideas – Getting to know your brain

You are the Human brain. This is your rational thinking self – the one that works logically in your best interest.

Your Chimp is your emotional self. As Dr Peters says ‘If offers emotional thoughts that can be very constructive or very destructive; it’s not good or bad, it is a Chimp’. However, it is the one that can hijack you and cause you to do and say stuff that you may regret. It’s also the one that stops us taking action in many instances, so it’s a good thing to learn to manage it!

Your Computer is your information storage area. This is your auto-pilot. It stores information that the chimp and human have put into it, so in effect these two are your computer programmers (worth noting). It uses the information that’s been input to act in an automatic way or it can serve as a reference point. It’s where thoughts and behaviours are stored and importantly, learned beliefs and values.

2 Learnings – speed matters

It’s the Chimp in us that senses fear and drives the Fight (attack), Flight (run away) or Freeze (don’t move) response. Your chimp is 5 times stronger than your Human self, so it’s key to learn to manage your Chimp rather than try and overthrow it as you won’t win, it’s too strong! 
The good news is that your Computer is stronger than your Chimp. It’s about 20 times faster than your Human brain (so four times more powerful than your Chimp).

This is really valuable to know, as your Human brain just isn’t fast enough to react effectively on it’s own to manage your Chimp. However, if your computer is running well, it can execute commands at an amazing speed with complete accuracy before the chimp or Human has a chance to finish thinking.

Here’s a good example; road rage. So, someone pulls in front of you on a busy road, too close for comfort. What’s your reaction? Your Human rational self might think that this person is in a hurry and perhaps has an emergency they need to get to. In reality, your Chimp has just broken out of it’s cage and is jumping around shouting profanities at this person who has the audacity to cut you up and put you in danger! If our Computer is working well and has positive resourceful information in adundance, your Human self will be able to access this and manage the Chimp (and the situation) well, leaving you fear free, stress free and in control.

So, what do I mean by ‘your computer is working well’?
Well, you are the sum of everything you have learnt and experienced in life. This forms your values and beliefs. Your Computer operates with the information provided to it by the Chimp and the Human.
You are what you think.

Coming back to the road rage example, adopting a belief (and NLP Presupposition) such as  ‘Behind every behavior lies a positive intention’ can be useful and resourceful to you. Adopting the belief that everyone acts with positive intent helps diffuse fear, frustration or anger when a persons actions are not in line with your own values or behaviours. 

If you want to be at your best, the information that you input needs to be in line with what you want to do, feel and be in life. You can’t access what you don’t know.

Programming your computer with useful and resourceful beliefs can have a positive impact on your wellbeing and your ability to manage fear.

1 Positive Action – And breathe!

You might not have had time yet to consider and adopt new and resourceful beliefs. In this case, a quick and effective way of calming your brain and your emotional self when you are feeling stressed or anxious is deep breathing. Just a few deep breaths work a treat, pumping oxygen back into your human brain and allowing you to get back to rational, calm thinking.

Deep breathing techniques help stimulate relaxation. The 4-7-8 X 7 breathing exercise is simple and effective: Breathe in through your nose while counting to four, hold your breath and count to seven, and then exhale through your mouth while counting to eight. Repeat this pattern seven times. 

While inhaling and exhaling sounds pretty self-explanatory, most of us don’t naturally take deep belly breaths. Instead, we tend to take shallow breaths that don’t allow our lungs to fully fill with air, or our bellies to rise and fall. To practice deep breathing techniques, sit in a quiet and comfortable seat. Take a slow deep breath in through your nose. Let your rib cage expand and belly rise as your lungs fill with air. Exhale slowly, and feel your belly and chest fall. You can place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest to feel the accordion like movement of your torso. Keep taking full, deep breaths until you start to feel a sense of calm.

What positive action will you take?

Wishing you the very best,
Caroline

*  It’s worth noting that Dr Peters simplifies how the brain works in his book The Chimp Paradox and I have just touched on some key concepts that I have taken from the book to aid reflection (and let’s not forget I’m no neuroscientist!). If you are interested to learn and understand more, I can recommend the book and of course, if you have any questions, do get in touch!

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Positive Stress Management

Research suggests, that when stress is managed correctly, stress can actually have a positive impact on your productivity and performance.

We read a great deal about the impact of stress, particularly the negative effects it can have on our brain, our bodies, and long term health. It’s key to be aware of the negative impact of stress but it’s equally, if not more, important to understand why we get stressed and, how to more positively manage this.

Stress is a significant factor in mental health problems including anxiety and depression. It is also linked to physical health problems like heart disease, problems with our immune system, insomnia, and digestive problems. Individually we need to understand what is causing us personal stress and learn what steps we can take to reduce it for ourselves and those around us.

Mental Health Foundation, May 2018

In this post, my intention is to help you better understand stress, so you can more positively manage it, for an improved self-management and personal wellbeing.

What is stress?

We all know what it’s like to feel stressed, but it’s not easy to pin down exactly what stress means. When we say things like “this is stressful” or “I’m stressed”, we might be talking about:

Situations or events that put pressure on us – for example, times where we have lots to do and think about, or don’t have much control over what happens.

Our reaction to being placed under pressure – the feelings we get when we have demands placed on us that we find difficult to cope with.

A UK-wide stress survey has found that almost three-quarters of adults (74%) have at some point over the past year felt so stressed they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope.

Mental Health Foundation. May 2018

What happens when we get ‘stressed’?

When we feel anxious, our bodies release hormones called cortisol and adrenaline. (This is the body’s automatic way of preparing to respond to a threat, sometimes called the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response). As the amygdala reacts to a threat (or the stressor) the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system, which releases adrenaline. The adrenal cortex releases cortisol for continued alertness.

While stress itself is not necessarily problematic, the buildup of cortisol in the brain can have long-term effects. If you’re often stressed then you’re probably producing high levels of these hormones, which can make you feel physically unwell and could affect your health in the longer term.

Thus, chronic stress can lead to health problems. The signs of continued and long term stress can present themself in the body as shown below.

Stress also has a negative impact on our brains and our cognitive thinking, resulting is weaker control of thought, emotions and actions.

The diagram below is from A. Arnsten’s article ‘How coronavirus stress may scramble our brains’, SCIENCE NEWS (May 24th, 2020) in which he says, “Normally, an alert person’s brain has moderate amounts of chemical messengers that lead the prefrontal cortex to take charge and perform high-level thinking (below left). But with stress, those chemical signals can flood the brain, activating amygdala-linked brain networks involved in sensing and responding to threats (below right).“

“Even relatively mild stress can impair the prefrontal cortex, that’s one of the most robust effects of stress on the brain.”

Elizabeth Phelps – Psychologist and Neuroscientist at Harvard University

The long-term impact of stress on our brains is alarming, including increased risk of depression, poor sleep, decreased motivation, and mental agility. The cover image for this article shows the impact of long term stress and was taken from the article ‘How chronic stress changes the brain – and what you can do to reverse the damage’, March 11th 2020 .

So, how can we more positively manage stress, not only to reduce its impact but also, have a positive impact on our productivity and performance?

Firstly, not all stress is negative. Stress can be positive and can actually help improve motivation, focus, and performance. The image below describes EUSTRESS – Positive Stress and DISTRESS – Negative Stress.

Source – What’s your stress threshold, Dr Andrea Dinardo

The ‘trigger point’ or ‘stress threshold’, where stress moves from positive ‘Eustress’ to negative ‘Distress’, varies from person to person, situation to situation (e.g., Work vs. Personal), and is based on individual strengths, challenges, personal wellbeing, and personal history.

You can improve your ‘stress threshold’, and better manage stress, by making positive changes to support your physical and mental wellbeing, such as eating more healthily, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient rest.

Also, research shows that our attitude and approach toward stress can either increase or decrease actual stress levels within us.

In a study conducted by Shawn Achor, an expert in positive psychology, and Yale researcher Alia Crum, they worked with 380 managers to see if stress could be shifted from debilitating to enhancing merely by changing mindset at work.

The findings of our study were significant: when an individual thought about stress as enhancing, instead of debilitating, they embraced the reality of their current stress level and used it to their advantage. The negative parts of stress (distress) started to diminish because the fight-or-flight response was not activated, and the individual felt more productive and energetic, as well as reporting significantly fewer physical symptoms associated with distress (such as headaches, backaches, fatigue). In addition, on a scale of 1 to 4, productivity assessment moved from 1.9 to 2.6 — a significant shift. Life satisfaction scores also increased, which in previous studies has been found to be one of the greatest predictors of productivity and happiness at work.

Make Stress Work for You – Harvard Business Review, Shawn Achor, February 15, 2011

The image below demonstrates how stress can be a positive catalyst to improve performance, helping improve focus, and motivation.

Source – Thriving Under Pressure, Dr. Andrea Dinardo

Shawn Achor adds, “Stress can be good or bad depending on how you use it,”

Either side of the ‘optimum stress’ zone, a lack of stress, or healthy tension, can leave you feeling bored and de-motivated. Stress overload, on the other hand, can leave you feeling exhausted and can increase anxiety, the risk of panic attacks, and fuel anger, and burn-out. It is key to be alert to the signs of both boredom and stress overload if you are to manage stress to achieve a more positive outcome.

‘Altering your approach to stress can yield positive effects’

Better Under Pressure: How Great Leaders Bring Out the Best in Themselves and Others

Below is a list of suggestions to support more positive stress management, These are a combination of my own suggestions, and those of Justin Menkes, author of ‘Better Under Pressure: How Great Leaders Bring Out the Best in Themselves and Others’.

1. Recognize worry and stress for what it is – a feeling
“When you hear about stress being unhealthy it is so often because people aren’t getting to a place where they are seeing worry for what it is: a feeling,” says Menkes. The heightened reaction — tension in the body, heart racing — is an indicator of how much you care about the task you are about to do. In fact, according to Menkes, how much stress you feel is directly correlated to the importance of the activity. “If it didn’t matter, you wouldn’t worry,” he says. Once you understand worry as an indicator rather than a symptom of dysfunction or a cause for panic, you can react to it more rationally. Plus, remember that stress is not unending. “Feelings by definition are fleeting. They feel like they will be eternal but just give it five minutes,” says Menkes.

2. Re-frame stress
Once you’ve recognized what worry is, you then need to adjust your mindset. Shawn Achor’s research shows that how you view stress determines its effect on you. “Our brains work much better at positive than at negative, neutral, or stressed,” he says. When you are negative and worried, your brain goes into “fight or flight” mode, which limits your ability to think. If you are positive and concerned, then your brain turns to “broaden and build” thinking which allows you to process more possibilities. Which direction you go in is up to you. “When people have a stressor in their life, they can attempt to see it as a challenge, instead of a threat,” says Achor. This mental shift will allow the feeling to be activating rather than paralyzing.

3. Focus on what you can control
One of the most positive things you can do when faced with worry or anxiety is to consider what is in your control and what is not. ‘Letting go’ of what is not in your control, or what is not important, helps reduce pressure, empowering you to focus on what is in your control.

4. Develop your relationships
Build supportive relationships when you’re not stressed. Invest in those who will support you when needed and, support them when they need it too. Build relationships with positive, solution-focused individuals who can support you to find ways to overcome the challenges and stresses that inevitably appear in our lives, rather than those who focus on the negatives and obstacles to positive change.

5. Invest in your stress management skills, including emotional and mind management skills
The best way to manage stress is to better understand it for what it is and, to better understand yourself. You can learn more about the impact of emotions and how you can manage these more effectively in a separate post from 4PositiveGrowth. Alternatively, the MENS SANA (Healthy Mind) self-development programme that I deliver, takes you on a 13-week journey of self-discovery and improved self-management, and includes 1-hour coaching sessions on ‘Handling Stress’, ‘Mind Management’, Emotional Management, and Achieving a Balanced Life, to name just a few of the 13 empowering sessions.

Learn more about the MENS SANA programme here.

Useful Principles for more positive stress management – a summary:

  • Think of stress as an indicator that you care about something, rather than a cause for panic
  • Focus on the task, rather than the emotion
  • Build relationships with positive, solution-focused people who you can turn to in times of stress
  • Remember that stress is an emotional reaction and it is not going to last forever
  • Focus on what is within your control, rather than worrying about what is not
  • Invest in your stress management skills, including mind and emotional management
  • Make positive changes to support your physical and mental wellbeing, such as eating more healthily, exercising regularly, and getting sufficient rest

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Resourceful Beliefs

I recently delivered a webinar on Procrastination for the Institute of Leadership & Management. The title of the session was ‘Stop sabotaging your success and get on with what is good for you’. In the session, I shared a number of tools and processes to help reduce and manage procrastination including; awareness, knowledge, and perspective. 

You can read the full article that supports this session here, or you can watch the session, which is just 30 minutes long, here.

The session generated a huge number of questions from the audience and a number of these questions focused on perspective and beliefs.

Are your beliefs helping or hindering you?

Our beliefs have a direct impact on how we think and act. Beliefs can be helpful to us but they can also hinder us in life. So, what better reflection for 3-2-1 today than beliefs and in this case, positive, resourceful ones!

3 Ideas – Trying on new beliefs

ONLY – There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

FLEXIBLE – If what you do doesn’t work, be flexible, and try something different.

RESOURCES – People have all the resources they need to succeed.

2 Learnings – Adopting resourceful beliefs

The above beliefs are all NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Presuppositions. They are not necessarily true, but they can produce useful results for us.

Beliefs are usually self-fulfilling. 

‘What you think, you are.’

What we believe is what we think and, how we think impacts how we feel and in turn, how we act.

So by changing what we believe, this can have an immediate and positive impact on our emotions and behaviours.

The second belief ‘If what you do doesn’t work, be flexible, and try something different’ is a great place to start.

This is based on the Law of Requisite Variety. It states that the person with the most flexibility of behaviour will control the system. That basically means that the more choices you have, the more freedom you will feel, and the better a quality of life you can have.

This is a resourceful belief on a personal as well as an organisational level. An organisation that is flexible will respond to changes by evolving. The most flexible organization does not fight change; a flexible organization accepts change as an inevitable part of the business environment, so it learns to maximize its opportunities whenever change comes along.

Similarly, as individuals, if we are able to respond to any situation in a variety of ways, we are more likely to achieve our desired outcome.

Life is 10% what is happening to you and 90% how you react to it.

And in thinking about the outcome or goals you want to achieve, the belief that ‘People have all the resources they need to succeed’ can also be very empowering.

People have all the resources that they need to make the changes that they want or, they can create them.

There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states*.

Whenever we do not achieve our desired outcome, we tend to blame other people, external circumstances, our ill-luck, or even our own selves. We either fail to realize that we possess the resources to attain the achievements we aim for or we do not make efficient use of the resources.

It is for us to recognize them and access them. 

Resources are both external to us and internal within us.

What resources do you have available to you?

What assumptions are you making that are limiting your resources?

What resources will you build on to achieve your desired outcome?

1 Positive Action – Embrace feedback

‘There is no such thing as failure. Only feedback exists.’

All experiences are an opportunity for reflection, learning, and growth.

Whether this is success or failure, it is always valuable to ask, what did I learn from the experience?

What went well?

What can I improve on?

What and how will I change?

What and how will I do things differently?

My own experience of embracing this belief is that I have been able to reduce or eliminate many fears that would have stopped me from taking action in life.

“Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.”

And also ‘better to have tried and failed than to live a life wondering what would’ve happened if you had tried’ – Alfred Lord Tennyson

What positive action will you take?

* States in this context are emotional states of being.

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Finding your voice

It’s taken some time for me to find my voice and be comfortable to write this post.

Why is that? Well, I wanted to write about conformity and in doing that, I realised just how challenging it can be to voice your thoughts, ideas, and opinions without fear of being judged or even, rejected.

We like to be liked. We like to fit in. We don’t like to be judged and so, we conform.

When faced with the risk or fear of potentially being shut out of the ‘social group’, due to conflict, upset, or potential disagreement, we conform to the majority (publicly), in spite of not really agreeing with them (privately).

Why does that even matter?

It matters because if we conform, if nobody speaks out when they think or know something is wrong, nothing will change.

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.

John F Kennedy

I have found the last few weeks a fascinating but disturbing insight into conformity.

As tensions grew over equality, one post and commentary on Linked In really stood out for me. The individual posting spoke out in support of comedy that used race, ethnicity, and culture as part of the joke. The individual knew that he was putting himself at risk commenting on a topic that was so tense. Thousands of people commented on his post, some for, some against but what really struck me were the numerous comments thanking the individual for speaking out, for having a voice, because it encouraged them to have a voice too.

People were afraid to speak, afraid to take the action they felt was best, based on their beliefs and values.

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes be frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

Rudyard Kipling

Conformity is everywhere. At it’s most innocent it’s following fashion, it’s a puff-ball skirt or drainpipe trousers that you can hardly move in and, you know you look silly, but you do it because that’s what everyone else is wearing and you want to fit in.

At it’s worst, it’s not speaking up or taking action when you know something is morally and humanly wrong.

How is conformity silencing you?

How is conformity stopping you?

The opposite of conformity is non-conformity but what does that mean?

To me, it means independent thought, independent speech and independent action.

Having spent some time working with Nancy Kline’s ‘The Thinking Environment’ I have come to appreciate the incredible power of independent thinking. In an environment of trust and complete respect where each individuals’ uniqueness of experience, thought and speech is valued, you can see the human mind ignite.

It is where creativity and innovation are brought to life.

It is where diversity, inclusion and equality can flourish.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition.

Steve Jobs

What are you not saying that could have a positive impact and bring change for good?

And knowing you can bring change for good, what do you say?

Your voice matters.

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The Impact of Emotions

Have you ever wondered how your emotions are really impacting you?

Take a look at the image that’s attached to this post. Researchers from Aalto University, Finland found that different emotional states have different effects on bodily sensations. They revealed maps of bodily sensations associated with different emotions using a unique topographical self-report method.

For the first time, they presented the evidence that emotions are associated with a series of physiological changes in our body, which, in fact, are the same in all people, regardless of their gender, race or cultural origin.

Our emotions also control our thinking, behaviour, and actions. Feelings affect our physical bodies as much as our body affects our feelings and thinking.

Understanding and managing our emotions is key to helping us find balance, improve our wellbeing, and be at our best every day.

I recently finished The Chimp Paradox by Dr. Steve Peters. As the title suggests, this book talks a lot about chimps, it also talks a lot about bananas and planets but it’s mostly about Mind Management and how we can better manage our mind and our emotional selves to be at our best.

I’m particularly interested in how fear impacts us and how we can manage this better. Below I share some of the ideas and learnings I took from the book, as well as my own experience as an NLP Practitioner, that can help better us better understand and manage fear and our emotions.

3 Ideas – Getting to know your brain

The book simplifies* our psychological mind into three separate brains: Human, Chimp, and Computer. 

You are the Human brain. This is your rational thinking self – the one that works logically in your best interest.

Your Chimp is your emotional self. As Dr. Peters says ‘If offers emotional thoughts that can be very constructive or very destructive; it’s not good or bad, it is a Chimp’. However, it is the one that can hijack you and cause you to do and say stuff that you may regret. It’s also the one that stops us from taking action in many instances, so it’s a good thing to learn to manage it!

Your Computer is your information storage area. This is your auto-pilot. It stores information that the chimp and human have put into it, so in effect, these two are your computer programmers (worth noting). It uses the information that’s been input to act in an automatic way or it can serve as a reference point. It’s where thoughts and behaviours are stored and importantly, learned beliefs and values.

2 Learnings – Speed matters

It’s the Chimp in us that senses fear and drives the Fight (attack), Flight (run away), or Freeze (don’t move) response. Your chimp is 5 times stronger than your Human self, so it’s key to learn to manage your Chimp rather than try and overthrow it as you won’t win, it’s too strong! 
The good news is that your Computer is stronger than your Chimp. It’s about 20 times faster than your Human brain (so four times more powerful than your Chimp).

This is really valuable to know, as your Human brain just isn’t fast enough to react effectively on its own to manage your Chimp. However, if your computer is running well, it can execute commands at an amazing speed with complete accuracy before the chimp or Human has a chance to finish thinking.

Here’s a good example; road rage. So, someone pulls in front of you on a busy road, too close for comfort. What’s your reaction? Your Human rational self might think that this person is in a hurry and perhaps has an emergency they need to get to. In reality, your Chimp has just broken out of the cage and is jumping around shouting profanities at this person who has the audacity to cut you up and put you in danger! If our Computer is working well and has positive resourceful information in abundance, your Human self will be able to access this and manage the Chimp (and the situation) well, leaving you fear-free, stress-free, and in control.

So, what do I mean by ‘your computer is working well’?
Well, you are the sum of everything you have learned and experienced in life. This forms your values and beliefs. Your Computer operates with the information provided to it by the Chimp and the Human.
You are what you think.

Coming back to the road rage example, adopting a belief (and NLP Presupposition) such as  ‘Behind every behavior lies a positive intention’ can be useful and resourceful to you. Adopting the belief that everyone acts with positive intent helps diffuse fear, frustration or anger when a person’s actions are not in line with your own values or behaviours. 

If you want to be at your best, the information that you input needs to be in line with what you want to do, feel, and be in life. You can’t access what you don’t know.

Programming your computer with useful and resourceful beliefs can have a positive impact on your emotions, your wellbeing, and your ability to manage fear.

1 Positive Action – and breathe!

You might not have had time yet to consider and adopt new and resourceful beliefs. In this case, a quick and effective way of calming your brain and your emotional self when you are feeling stressed or anxious is deep breathing. Just a few deep breaths work a treat, pumping oxygen back into your human brain and allowing you to get back to rational, calm thinking.

Deep breathing techniques help stimulate relaxation. The 4-7-8 X 7 breathing exercise is simple and effective: Breathe in through your nose while counting to four, hold your breath and count to seven, and then exhale through your mouth while counting to eight. Repeat this pattern seven times. 

While inhaling and exhaling sound pretty self-explanatory, most of us don’t naturally take deep belly breaths. Instead, we tend to take shallow breaths that don’t allow our lungs to fully fill with air or our bellies to rise and fall. To practice deep breathing techniques, sit in a quiet and comfortable seat. Take a slow deep breath in through your nose. Let your rib cage expand and belly rise as your lungs fill with air. Exhale slowly, and feel your belly and chest fall. You can place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest to feel the accordion-like movement of your torso. Keep taking full, deep breaths until you start to feel a sense of calm.

What positive action will you take to help better manage your emotions and improve your wellbeing?

*  It’s worth noting that Dr. Peters simplifies how the brain works in his book The Chimp Paradox and I have just touched on some key concepts that I have taken from the book to aid reflection (and let’s not forget I’m no neuroscientist!). If you are interested to learn and understand more, I can recommend the book and of course, if you have any questions, click here to get in touch!

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What’s stopping you from taking action?

If I ask you, ‘What is causing you to procrastinate?’ what would your answer be?

Too much to do and don’t know where to start?

I don’t want to do it so I’m delaying the inevitable pain of getting it done?

Well, these are pretty rational causes for procrastination and, having a clear plan, diarising actions, using the five-minute rule (agree to do just 5 minutes and you’re away) or, getting the hardest thing done first are all likely to increase your productivity in no time!

Frequently though procrastination is a lot less rational and when we dig deeper, what drives a great number of us to procrastinate is fear.

Ask yourself, ‘Why am I procrastinating?’ and again, ‘Why?’ to help dig down to the root cause of your procrastination. What is the true driver or trigger stopping you from taking action?

Often, the real reason we are not doing what we’ve set out to achieve is fear.

FEAR OF FAILURE

FEAR OF JUDGEMENT

FEAR OF BEING DIFFERENT

And even, FEAR OF SUCCESS

If you think about it, fear is basically what stops us taking action. Sometimes it’s rational but most of the time, it is not.

Did you know that there are only two instinctive fears at birth? Fear of falling and fear of loud noises. 

All other fears are acquired and learned over our lifetime. So what is learned can also be unlearned, particularly if it’s not resourceful to us, it’s stopping us getting to where we want to be, doing what we want to do and, feeling what we want to feel.

Action cures fear.

Indecision, postponement, on the other hand, fuel fear.

David J Schwartz

So how do we move beyond our fears, reduce procrastination and, take action?

Firstly, awareness is key. Just by reading this post, reflecting on why you procrastinate and considering your triggers, you will have gained a deeper insight into your ‘self’. Awareness and self-knowledge are key in helping us get un-stuck.

Put fears into perspective. Get rid of catastrophizing. What are the facts? Try asking yourself this powerful and resourceful question:

What am I assuming that is stopping me taking action?

What is true?

If I know this is true what action will I take?

Uncovering new empowering beliefs can help us manage and even overcome our fears.

Another great way to help you reduce fear and anxiety is to try some mind training such as meditation or simple breathing exercises. The 4-7-8 X 7 breathing exercise is simple and effective: Breathe in through your nose while counting to four, hold your breath and count to seven, and then exhale through your mouth while counting to eight. Repeat this pattern seven times. Deep breathing techniques* help stimulate relaxation. As you take in more oxygen, your heart rate slows and your mind starts to slow down, relaxing you and your brain and, giving you time to think and be at your best.

Fears are nothing more than a state of mind.

Napoleon Hill

Our brain plays a very big role when it comes to fear and while it can seem complex (and I am no neuroscientist) there are some great resources out there to help us better understand how our brain works and how fear is triggered. I particularly like ‘The Chimp Paradox’ by Dr. Steve Peters, not just because it talks about bananas, chimps and, planets but because it does simplify the concept of how the mind works, how it impacts our emotions, how to manage our self better and ignite our human potential.

As a coach, I can help you reduce fear and procrastination by helping you raise your ‘self’ awareness, uncovering your limiting assumptions and, helping you replace these with empowering, resourceful truths that support you to be at your best to take positive action.

As an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Practitioner, I can work with you to have and immediate and lasting impact on fear, including phobias. To learn more about NLP or coaching please do get in touch as I’d be delighted to speak with you!

Caroline @4PositiveGrowth

*While inhaling and exhaling sounds pretty self-explanatory, most of us don’t naturally take deep belly breaths. Instead, we tend to take shallow breaths that don’t allow our lungs to fill with air or our bellies to rise and fall. To practice deep breathing techniques, sit in a quiet and comfortable seat. Take a slow deep breath in through your nose. Let your rib cage expand and belly rise as your lungs fill with air. Exhale slowly, and feel your belly and chest fall. You can place one hand on your belly and one hand on your chest to feel the accordion-like movement of your torso. Keep taking full, deep breaths until you start to feel a sense of calm.

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Are you fulfilled?

The defnition of fulfilment is ‘the completion or achievement of a desire’. Fulfilment is also defined as ‘a feeling of happiness and satisfaction’.

What is fulfilment to you? Take some time to think about this.

Both of the definitions above could easily be seen as destinations to be reached or goals to be achieved as opposed to a journey to enjoy and savour each day.

As a coach, I’m encouraging you to set goals, to create a vision of the future you want, to define fulfilment and work towards it. I’m also encouraging you to enjoy the journey because this is your opportunity to be fulfilled each day.

It is important to enjoy the journey not just the destination. In this world, we will never arrive at a place where everything is perfect and we have no more challenges. As admirable as setting goals and reaching them maybe, you can’t get so focused on accomplishing your goals that you make the mistake of not enjoying where you are right now.

Joel Osteen

How fulfilled are you today in life? Take some time to consider this.

A useful and valuable tool to aid reflection is The Wheel of Life. You can access this tool here if you want to consider this now. The Wheel of Life helps us see where we are satisfied and happy with your life and also, where were are lacking fulfilment. Noticing where the gaps are and asking yourself ‘what’s missing’ can be powerful and revealing.

What is truly important to you? What will really fulfill you?

Notice whether your ‘wheel’ is balanced or not. A balanced wheel is a more balanced life. Achieving balance emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally and financially too provides a strong foundation from which to work towards fulfilment, along with what you want to do, be and have in life.

The journey of course is not always smooth. Life, as Joel rightly points out above, is full of challenges but it’s how we react to the challenges that life puts in front of us that determines how we experience them and how resourcefully we navitage them.

How well do you approach challenging situations?

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

How we react is our choice. It is within our control. It is also within our control to choose a fulfilled life and to be proactive in working towards this.

Being proactive is more than taking initiative. It is recognising that we are responsible for our own choices and have the freedom to choose based on principles and values rather than mood and condition. Proactive people are agents of change and choose not to be victims, to be reactive, or to blame others.

Stephen Covey

At 4PositiveGrowth we work with you to help you manage challenge and change. We provide you with the tools to help you react resourcefully and positively to the challenges that life puts in your path, to see these as opportunities for growth and learning, as opposed to barriers to achieving fulfilment.

If you think we can help and you’d like to talk with us, we’d love to hear from you, so please do get in touch!

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Contact us – Let’s talk about how we can help you

Get in touch either using the information below OR send us your details and it would be our pleasure to give you a call

  • Email

    caroline@4positivegrowth.co.uk

  • Phone

    07710 631181

  • Address

    Heswall, Wirral, CH60 6SS

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